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In God’s Time…

The message there in...

The message there in…

In God’s time, I will find
The road that leads to you
Further you will be mine
For now let this be due

In God’s time, embrace we will
Your smile will I behold
The warm eyes that once thrilled
My heart as if to gold

In God’s time, aching shall pass
Longing, thirsting, wanting, will vanish
Life’s burdens, time’s fulfillment will harass
Securing life’s moments as if to cherish

In God’s time, I believe your heart will break
Opening a fresh page for me you’ll leave space
In your time, my pursuit cannot shake
You choose to linger, to hesitate, you pace

In God’s time redemption will nigh
For those who surrender to his clock
For all who bend low, while Him place high
In God’s time they’ll behold The Rock

In God’s time, Eternity will be
Beginning in me, delaying in you
Never too late, never too early
God’s time incomparable – a pure virtue

God’s time is perfect, in it I rest
His time is accurate, His clock is steady
He needs no watch to maintain His best
For God’s time, I seek to-day-be ready

In God’s time….Eternally!

40 Lessons I learned during this Lenten Season

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On my way to work in March 2013. Breath-taking!

What is a learned-lesson if not shared?  Life is a teacher to the attentive, a guide to the seeker, a light to the wanderer, and an artist to the gazer.  My Lenten Journey was one which required that I pay close attention to the instructions which the true source of Life, who is Life Himself was giving.   In many ways, lessons came to me, some I grasped in an instant, and others undoubtedly evaded, and or bamboozled me.
It would be remise of me not to share 40 of these with you!  Forty, being complementary to the life-span of any Lenten Season, but certainly this does not exhaust the many simple things I am taking away from the season.   Hope you can share in them, and or share yours with me.

1.    Fasting is not impossible – employ it frequently
2.    Discipline is characteristic of a Disciple, they are interconnected and inseparable
3.    Forgive like a fool, for it is there that you will gain true freedom and wisdom
4.    Never stop praying for Wisdom (Wisdom chapter 9 – Pray it as often as you can)
5.    Wisdom is when God allows us to see through His Holy eyes
6.    Forty days are really short, don’t waste a single minute therein
7.    Speak the word with passion, but live it with fearless drive
8.    Ask for forgiveness like a child, and apologize like you’re going to die, it frees you
9.    Sing as if the entire world is within the sound of your voice, – so sing unreservedly
10.    Silence is loud, so speak not, just let it play
11.    Faith is worth having, – outside of it, you have nothing
12.    Let your music speak your language of life
13.    Give from your heart, – from there its hurt will reveal its authenticity
14.    Lent is never easy, you will be tested too
15.    Do the unpopular, let the world stand stunned, while God’s peace enfolds you    eternally
16.    The community of believers is your life-blood, don’t stray from it
17.    Sometimes your world will get silent; Listen, for God is speaking therein, get that word
18.    The Holy Spirit is your friend – Befriend Her
19.    Un-forgiveness is enemy to Holy Spirit Power; the adverse is High Class Power!
20.    Upon seeing the light of day, the first – Five are the most crucial – Spend it with God
21.    God wants to have a Heart-Stumping, and mountain Moving Relationship with me
22.    Confession – true contrition is sweet!
23.    Work is important, but Never more than your life and faith
24.    Theology is beckoning at my intellect – “try me, try me soon”
25.    Faith, Food, the Faithful and Fitness are all connected;They complement each other
26.    The Holy Spirit makes you bold beyond your physical and mental limitations
27.    To yield to God is to trust like a child in its mother’s loving arms
28.    When God has a plan, Nothing can contend! – In the final analysis He gets His Way!
29.    Speaking God’s word reaches the ear; Prayerfully singing doubles the effect, straight to the heart
30.    The Spirit of God takes different paths to make us holy, but there are similarities
31.    It is Wise for one to renew his or her Confirmation – Fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit
32.    Simplicity is totally freeing and beautiful
33.    Humility, humility, humility, – three very powerful words for the Christian
34.    Death is an ever shadow, but God is forever real Light
35.    Electing a Pope is major, even better, it is a Sacred Undertaking, not merely human
36.    Jesus is still in the Prayer Answering Business – His time is different from mines
37.    Indifference is a thief of humility, simplicity and impartiality; Even, it fears vulnerability
38.    The Same Christ, who was resurrected, is the same Christ who lives in me – Wow!
39.    Pray as if God is deaf; ask, seek, and knock – and trustfully wait, He will answer
40.    Our purpose for living should be to See Jesus Face to Face with Joy in the end

Dear friend, knowing that we can never learn all the lessons life has to give to us; we must keep learning, implementing and growing as we age.  Hopefully, you can relate to some if not all of these lessons.  Care to share some of your own lessons learned over-time?  God bless.

I Consider Everything as Loss!

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Inspired by St. Paul’s words, in the book of Philippians chapter 3 verse 8:   “More than that, I even consider everything as a loss because of the supreme good of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have accepted the loss of all things and I consider them so much rubbish, that I may gain Christ” – (The New American Bible), I embrace the challenge of subtraction. 

So often, we seek constant additions, as much as a number of us hate mathematics.  WE seek to add to our finances, using the expression of “the more the merrier.”  Many seek to add to their family through procreation as is commanded by God’s words, and certainly there is nothing wrong with that once it is done in the proper relationship or sacrament of marriage.   
Today, our generation constantly seeks to increase the many contact lists on facebook and other social media, almost seeking a sense of popularity.  As if numbers, additions and multiplications are supposed to be the strength of our existence – one might think we are saying that, without having a lot, we have nothing.  

Yet, whoever said that more is always more?  More is sometimes worst.  The more people, the more chaos, the more mouths to feed, the more resources necessary, the more money the more worry, the more people in our lives, the more demanded, and or expected of us.   And the list can go on and on…

In truth, we all need people in our lives, but sometimes we lose people through falter, through broken relationships, stupidity, a lack of humility to apologize for hurts caused, through migration, or others just walk away without any solid reasoning.  Whatever the case, there is a loss.  

There is no doubt, that loss in and of itself is hurtful, it is painful, and it is often heartbreaking.  Yet, it is loss that causes us to search our deepest recesses to find that which is within us for survival.  It is loss, which breeds creation and creativity.  For failure to create new things is to die.  Thus, today, I seek to embrace the losses of my life.  The loss of seasonal people, loss of loved ones through the thief called death, the loss of money, the loss of good grades, friendship opportunities, and just the loss of even time which can never be gotten again.

This loss, I embrace, for while I hold the emptiness they created through the newly formed vacuum, I hang on tightly to God’s unchanging hands.  I embrace the loss because, it enables me to give it all, in a form of surrender to the ultimate authority of my life, – God himself.  The loss allows me to forget about myself, and concentrate on the healer of the hurts, the provider of the need, the fulfillment of the emptiness and the completion of the incomplete me.   

Today, I count it all as loss, for the Glory of God.  For the less time with that which I no longer have, the more time to discover and spend with HIM who is my ALL.  Today, one must remind themselves that no human person can fulfill us – but God who is our completion.  Psalm 63 says it best:  “Oh God, My soul longs for you, like a dry and desert land where there’s no water….”
Even deeper, the Lenten Season creates the perfect opportunity for me to Embrace the nothing, the empty, the loss and the void, while letting go of consumerism, and all its allies.  God is great and His Grace is Sufficient. – All I need to do is Believe, Hold On to HIM and Trust!  

By the way, the following link struck me:     http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=IkR3c0uuYIQ#!

JOURNEY into the UNKNOWN

For an entire week, I thought, prayed, cried sometimes, and just couldn’t bring myself to write anything down.  As to the reasons?  There must be some, but at this moment I think they are too numerous to mention.  So, to sum them all up, I will say that I have had a hard week. Whoever said that because it is Lent, things will flow smoothly?  

To sit in the unknown is like jumping off a boat in the middle of no where unable to swim for the life of you.  One thing  that stands is “HOPE.”  The hope that someone will see you, hear your fading voice, and find you.  Your hope is that someone will pick you up.  The unknown happens for all of us at different points in our lives.  Today, I need a voice so badly, I need an arrow, a road map, an answer, I need direction.  Interestingly, today’s http://www.bustedhalo.com’s prompt is for me to “pray for discernment.”  Well, I thought that was what I was praying for all along?  It seems like I should be praying some more?

As a new graduate with a few months to “SEEK,” I have found many a hard day.  The woman in me is seeking direct answers.  She wants to know where to go, when to go, what to do, where to do it / them, and if she is supposed to do whatever, then she also needs the tools.  So, is that what a JOURNEY all about?  Maybe I need to explore a bit more what this whole word JOURNEY really means?  It certainly sounds like a task, a hard road.  

When I think of JOURNEY, I envision this elder man in Cotten Hill (where I grew up), passing with his traditional heavy sak (kohtah) on his back, going up to his garden in the morning, and then later in the evening with it well packed with produce from his day.  I envision him bent underneath its pressing load.  Still he held on to his cutlass (matchette), and returned the next day, braving the big hills up and down. Mr. Arthur did for years upon years.  

There must have been pain involved, you know — sweat, big wet beads of sweat, some tears may have mingled in it when he pondered on his needs, worries, concerns, and maybe just on God’s awesome beauty up in the hills which might have overwhelmed him.  Still he worked hard, he pressed on, even in his old age.  Then I think about the many rainy and windy days that Mr. Arthur endured up there in Bock.  Though he might have had a cool shed there, he must have had to make his way through many a huge muddy patches, maybe he crossed many rapidly flowing dirty ravines and rivers during his frequent trips on stormy days — still he returned to his farm the next day.  And oh, no telling, with Kohtah / sak on back, Mr. Arthur must have fallen several times; still he got up, brushed off what remains of his fall that he could and continued on his way.  Just thinking about this now I wonder, jee what was this man made of?  

Could this contain the elements, and or characteristics of a journey?  If so, well I am convinced this journey thing is no joke, still it could be possible.  So what does it all mean to Journey into the Unknown?  Could it be something like this? Or is the journey, nice and rosey, with lots of smiles, happy cheer even with a heavy heart?  Is the journey one filled with many “fans” hugging, kissing and reminding me that I am doing well?  Is the journey one where I never cry, never long to be held, hugged, told and reassured that I am loved?  What is this journey?  Is it one where I know exactly what I am going to do within the next few months, with clear signs, exact “change” and can put my feet up and snooze because it is all taken care of?  WHAT IS IT? 

This online dictionary suggests that JOURNEY is: “… travelling from one place to another, usually taking a long time. A trip.”  But, I prefer the following definition: A Journey is a “passage or progress from one stage to another.”  That is where I am, and God does it hurt. It leaves me in limbo, as if that is how it feels. It makes me wonder why at this point I am still unsure of where to turn, what to do, where to go and what is out there for me?  And oh, the job market that I search is totally daunting, but I am guessing it is all part of the journey and the discerning.  God knows what is “NEXT” for the traveller, what is in store of the seeker, and what is in progress for the wanderer. He knows. Ofcourse that is my blind faith speaking. That is all I have to hold on to. FAITH — it will work!

Essentially, all I can do is what His words ask me to: Ask, Seek, Knock as best I can, and can I be honest?  I feel like He is telling me I am not asking enough, or maybe I am not asking properly?  That too is frustrating. Still I will keep asking, because that is what I can do.  

To the omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent I offer my ignorance, blindness, needs and desires. HE KNOWS and has conquered the JOURNEY before!  

Do you feel like this sometimes?  Tell me how you cope, please because I could do with some motivation today. 

God bless. 

MA#2 – God took me through!

Over the past weekend God reminded me that He cares, He loves and He is real.
Amidst grace, darkness tried to prevail, faith conquered, and hope within was restored.
Light met and destroyed darkness, light shone brightly, and though tears were shed in
more ways than one, hearts felt light again, and longs for more of God.

“As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee…” has become alive again. Worship came when healing began, and healing came when worship took over.

I don’t know about tomorrow, but I know who holds it. To HIM Entrusted!
This blog post

Hedge Clippings – Blog.

by someone (Jeff Heglen) who visited MA#2 captures the sentiments of many of us who spent
last weekend in the same place. Feel free to read it.
God bless.

Thank you Jeff Hedglen for sharing!

Service & Sacrifice

One week ago today, so much seemed to have been different within me. Emotionally and spiritually I felt drained, frustrated and lost. Today, I look back and am Wowed at the changes that have occured. Simple things make big impacts sometimes, but most of all, one’s mindset sets the path to success or failure. My mindset was pulling me down the drain, but God always has better plans, and word them He does in his own styles and times.

Today, I spent most of it doing things in preparation for the upcoming Midwestern Awakening Retreat, and to say that I feel that I have accomplished much would be an understatement. I have accomplished much, though there are still some things to get done.

Along with that, I challenged myself and made a Sweet Potato Pudding as I always wanted to. And though some of the ingredients were not exactly what I desired to work with, I pulled it through reasonably well from all telling. :)
It gave me such joy just to first do it, and then watch others have it with pleasure. The little things in life which make a big difference quite often. Well, so much for food.

So, what’s in all this? Two words, Service and Sacrifice. Both were very much in play, and complement this Lenten season and the journey on which I have embarked; that of spiritual renaissance and metanoia. It is really a continuation, rather than a new venture; still it feels so new. There is a certain peace witihin my spirit that I feel today. There are multiple factors which have contributed to this peace, but certainly a big contributor is my latest prayer life. Not that I didn’t pray before, now it is more focused, intense, structured and factored into my daily living. I feel like I pray now with more purpose, you know like I did maybe 4 years ago. I pray that I will continue on this journey with dedication and growth.

May I continue to seek ways to serve God through others, while he blesses the sacrifices that I make. A A, in case you are wondering, I got some disappointing news today too, but I told myself to stay positive. So, here I am.
I pray you had a good day, and wish you well.
Feel free to share your thoughts with me. Mine seem rather random, but I am just writing from the heart at this moment.

Be blessed today and always.
In Christ,
Ceez

Attitudes & Others – both matter

It’s Tuesday, and somehow it was a busy but good one. The weather here didn’t seem too encouraging in the earlier part of the day, but I told myself it is still a lovely day. Later on, while running one of my required errands, I was elated to see the sun rays peeking through the building. That lifted an already positive mood and spirit, and I was thrilled to walk outside. The sun seemed to have been out in all of its glory.
My meditation was about living for the benefit of others, sort of forgetting myself, needs and desires and focus on that of others. Though at some points my own concerns hit me, I didn’t dwell on them. Yay to that!!! It always seems better to help others, and to make them happy in any case.

A busy but productive day – was today. Within me meanwhile, was a strong spiritual peace, one that I clung to. Nothing phased it, nothing. Interestingly one of the short conversations I shared with someone today captured the need to choose to be in control of my mental state / attitude. He was sharing how he makes big efforts to stay positive in the midst of things and situations which challenge his equilibrium. That was right up my emotional pathway, because it has been the thing at the forefront of my mind lately more than ever. Was that some co-incidence? I say No. I think it was divine within its own occurrence.

Then tonight, another conversation with a friend reaffirmed the need for us to reach out to others as I alluded to above. I think there is beauty in simple things, and so when someone says to me that they are going to visit a sick person, or a friend who has gone into “hiding” it warms my heart. It calls me to evaluate my own giving, and makes me see that indeed life is about others, not so much about ourselves, though we all have needs and desires.
So, tonight, since I have spent some time at the wellness center, building some healthy chemical reactions within my own psyche, I feel wonderful, and ready to get tonight’s chores on stream. Laundry, art, reading and prayer are top on the list. lol. I sound like a workaholic eh.

Anyway, I hope your day was wonderful, and if it wasn’t I urge you to look ahead at the morning, for Joy cometh in that time. Let us anticipate another GREAT DAY in CHRIST JESUS. I lay my burdens down, and I embrace the cross of Christ in a spirit of gratitude and victory.
God Bless y’all.

Whatsoever you do to the least of them….

So many things happened today, but I choose to focus on the lovely little couple whom I met. The sweet little lady celebrated her 91st Birthday, and her dear devoted husband was at her side all day. Their conversations are amazing, their exchange of whit and humor is beyond their age. I mean, there is clearly devotion, love, and honor radiating from this couple. Their family (son and family) love them dearly and ensured that her birthday was observed in a humble but loving manner.

What I took from that beauty is the Love of God. During a time of lent, we are asked to forget ourselves, focus on others and show love and appreciation for the life we have. I saw that in this couple who have spent over 70 years together as husband and wife. This is a lifetime plus. hmm I cannot tell you how amazing this is to me. With me being single, I feel a sense of hope for the concept of “LOVE” in the sense of marriage, family, devotion and faithfulness for all those who are anticipating marriage and long life togetherness. Don’t get me wrong, I am not quite a pessismist, but when I look around examples like these are far and wide. So, if I am to get married someday, I sure hope it will be with such true love and devotion.

Before you think I am in a zone of love-seeking (And what if I was? :) It sure is a normal thing afterall for a sweet, single woman…lol) I share this to emphasize that during the Lenten season we need to reach out to those around us who may not be as fortunate as we are. Oh it is easy to get all self-engrossed. Take it from me. But, once you help someone else, oh what joy it brings.
So today, I made it my business to write two full emails to two wonderful friends in my life. They deserved the time.
Glad I did indeed.
So, coming back to the giving, today’s readings warn us that what we do to the least of those among us, we do to HIM (God Himself). Hey, that is some warning eh.
My prayer is to do better, do good, do best, do right, do well, and do for God’s approval if nothing else.
Oh I really want to make it to eternal happiness with HIM, so I press on this journey.

God bless you as you live your day. In good Faith, I commend my night’s rest into the hands of Father God, and entrust the tomorrow into HIS care for He is going to make it Wonderful, all in Jesus name.
God bless.

Thoughts & Temptation!

Before I can give this blog post a title, I realize I should try to capture what my day was all about. Somehow, I spent most of the day listening, reading, and meditating, rather than doing any major hands-on work. Afterall its Sunday, and I particularly enjoy just having a light one when ever that day comes around. You can call me a traditionalist. Sunday is just the kind of day that requires that I stop, if not fully halt, that I slow down, relax, rest, and just as folk would say, “let my hair down.” — Maybe I actually did that much today too. lol

Ok, so a lot of what I listened to was the voice and teachings / preaching of Bishop T.D.Jakes. He is not of my religious persuasion, but I love the man tremendously. His words reaches my heart, and so I just had to get more and more of what he had to share in some of his sermons. Today, I particularly listened to how he spoke of the “Power of our Thoughts,” and I thought to myself, — this one is for me pal. This man can take a simple passage of scripture, and relate it so strongly to today’s time of living, it blows me away. So, I particularly liked the fact that he said God
likes to give us the raw materials to do things, rather to Create. He said we serve a creative Creator of creatures, who made us in His image and likeness. He said so we are called to be creators. Bishop Jakes mentioned that we are just one (1) thought away from our deliverance, one thought away from our miracle, from our success, from our creating something wonderful. Still we hold ourselves back, we don’t think as we should. Amazing. Oh, trust me, I must listen to this a few times again.

To compliment the quality of day, today marked the 1st Sunday of Lent, and the Gospel reading taken from the book of Mark emphasized the fact that Jesus went into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, and oh was he tested and tempted. The second reading reminded us that Jesus chose to become sin, though He knew no sin, that He might experience what we as human go through and in order to teach us that they can be conquered.

Father S. George reminded us that temptations are real, and normal, and are not wrong within themselves. He said it is what we do with these temptations that matter. When we give in to them, then we have not allowed Christ to help us to get over them. He encouraged us to return to God if and when we ever fail to temptation and fall into sin. Father said that the church extends to us the opportunity to become clean again. And oh, I liked how he used the “dirty-penny” to show us that if can become clean through cleansing methods. He used that to relate to our Baptisms as Christians, reminding us that we had clean spotless souls, symbolized by our white garments then. Ofcourse over time we have soiled our souls through sinfulness and must use this blessed season of Lent to repent as the Gospel asks us, and turn back to our King.

Tonight, I am here and crave further reading of one of my favorite author’s book. So, I am calling it done for tonight with my writing, and going to get comfortable in a reading mode. In Jesus name, Tomorrow Will be a GREAT DAY.
Amen!!!
Well, I sure hope YOU have a great one, and had a good Sunday.

Art & reading

So today, I spent a chunk of my time working on a project, and the other part reading, and still there is so much more to be read. Have you ever tried reading three, and or four books at the same time? I know it seems silly, but I seem to get-by doing this. So, reading is going to be a major feature in my Lenten walk this year. It is a necessity really, that is why.

Anyway, the creative me was revisited last-evening to today, and so I really took pride in working on this little project of mine. I would prefer not saying too much about it at this time, for the sake of not ruining its purpose. :) What I will say though, is that taking time for anything artistic, creative or self-challenging brings with it a great feeling of achievement and self-pleasure.

What does any of these have to do with Lent anyway? I think both art and reading can relate to my Lenten journey, again because the books open my mind to where my thoughts should be focused. The books spur me on toward more wholesome thoughts, and because of the content therein, I am able to self-evaluate, take notes, plan ahead, and set meaningful goals on which I can work daily.

Art in the meanwhile, give me a chance to meditate, it stirs my patient side, calms my nerves and spirit and just promotes a certain sense of inner peace which we all need. So, today, my reflection is mainly to utilize God’s gifts to me intrinsically, in an effort to enhance my extrinsic responsibilities in a meaningful and timely manner.

Today’s readings according to the church were all part of my reading. What I take from the Gospel is a reminder that to follow Christ Jesus, I must set everything down. I must leave every burden, distraction, and detractors down and fix my gaze upon Him, for it is the only time I will hear and see his will for my life. It can be often taken as symbolic or metaphorical, but today I take it literal. There is much that I have seen the need to let go of, in order to enhance my walk with Christ and neighbors. So, may today’s blessings, skills, artistry and new knowledge bear wholesome fruits in me.
Have you done anything specific lately in effort to build your inner person?

This is ofcourse a journey, it takes hard work, and requires persistence / constancy. Thus, I urge you as I encourage myself to take action, be persistent and press toward the mark be it your Lenten season or not.

Feel free to share your thoughts or plans with me. I would love to learn new things that I can do to grow.

God bless you.

Day #3 — Obedience

Today, I tried pondering on obedience to God particularly through an avenue of releasing what is needed to be set free. Today’s readings according to the church reminded me strongly that what God wants of me to stop pointing fingers, to rid myself of every quarrel and to quit speaking any form of wickedness. Honestly, when I introspect I really do feel like I am far from heaven, being my own worst critic and then ofcourse often I have been angry. Today, I desire to obey God by seeking to let go of things, thoughts, behaviors, mindsets and attitudes which are of a negative nature.
I seek to release myself through obedience to God to relieve myself from self-unforgiveness.

Importantly, I want to forgive others that I may be able to receive the forgiveness of God. Simply, I think obedience and forgiveness go together. They are interrelated, and interdependent to a great extent. Both are biblical commands that Christians are asked to utilize. They are actions words.

As I keep on this journey, I pray for the grace to look ahead with positivity, hope, love, healing, forgiveness and growth in Christ. There is still so much more I need to employ in my walk with God. Oh, I do not want to miss heaven for anything. So, I choose obedience of God today. Difficult, but possible.
The thought which captures it all: “The devil doesn’t fear austerity but holy obedience.” –St. Francis de Sales
Austerity can be good sometimes, but the fact is, it is insufficient.
God bless you today.

Day 2 – Humility

The first stage of contemplation, dear brothers [and sisters], is constantly to consider what God wants, what is pleasing to him, and what is acceptable in his eyes. We all offend in many things; our strengths cannot match the rectitude of God’s will, being neither one with it nor wholly in accord with it; let us then humble ourselves under the powerful hand of the most high God and be concerned to show ourselves unworthy before His merciful gaze, saying: Heal me, Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved. And again, Lord, have mercy on me; heal my soul because I have sinned against you.”
— St Bernard

Today, I choose to meditate on the above quote of St. Bernard. Day two of my Lenten Journey. Among many prayers uttered, I find the words therein extremely timely, and powerful. Truly there is beauty in simplicity of words too. I reckon the words which calls on me to be humble. Oh humility, whoever said it was easy? It is not! Still, I find it to be so important in my walk with God. Often I have had to surrender my will, pride and power for the greater good of God’s work in contributing to the building of His Kingdom here on earth. To deny self, to deny desire, and to deny ego are all sacrificial. That is what the Lenten season reminds us to do.

Today too, I pray for salvation of my mind, for I think it is under severe attack. Indeed the mind is the battle field, and oh how the enemy of our souls seek to destroy us. The more I pray, the more attacks I seem to face in various ways. Still, I seek to press on, with the hope of reclaiming each day, my mind for the will of God.
May I survive this hard day, after a long sleepless night and may I seek humilty even when it meets pain.

Amen!

In 40 Days!

Today marks the beginning of the Lenten season in the calendar year of many Christians; most especially for the Catholic, Methodist and Episcopal believers. Each year 40 days of such a nature is recognized. It begins on Ash Wednesday (today). Very simply I began with going to a service and recieving ashes on my forehead in reminder that from dust I came, and to dust I will or shall return. Importantly, the need for almsgiving, fasting and praying during this season in need for a deeper conversion was emphasized by the preacher. Still, nothing can say anything about this season to me, better than the following blog post I found at http://fallibleblogma.com/index.php/dare-to-make-this-a-radical-lent/

Matthew Warner shared this, and I take delight in posting it here for your own reading. Essentially and maybe a bit selfishly, I post it here for my return to keep reminding myself of where I should be during these 40 days, but moreso, where I should be thereafter in my walk with God and neighbor. So many lines have stood out for me that I find it difficult to quote any specific one here; instead I suggest you read it for yourself. In my comment on the post, one of the things I mentioned and I care to mention here is: …”my need to radically love beyond the scars which linger within me…” Feel free to visit Matthew’s Blog to read all of it, and leave a comment too if you care to. Most importantly, I hope that you read it to benefit from the depth of this message.

As I embark on the next 40 Days, there is much that I pray for.
If you don’t embrace the Lenten season, I respect it, but what we as Christians do embrace, regardless of our persuasion is the need for a deep and total conversion. Since conversion to Catholics is a journey, I urge you like I remind myself today to work out your salvation in fear and trembling before God our merciful Father.
Yours in Christ Jesus.

Yesterday, I lost it!

Yesterday, I lost my balance!

I fell to the rage and inner confusion which engulfed me, I lost my cool, and my sanity was challenged yet again. Wasn’t it me who wrote just recently about keeping balance? Am I not the one who wrote about maintaining ones equilibrium? Well, Yesterday, I lost my balance. I did.

It reminded me of how weak and frail we can get when we lose ourselves, when our prayer lives drop down from where they used to be. Yesterday’s blunder was filled with emotional pressure, one I could not stand to contain any longer, and I vented. I burst like Layou River when it erodes every bank in its way. I lost my cool; I lost my calm, and relinquished my inner peace and composure. I busted.

Yes, I the writer, the artist, the esteemed woman, the Christian, the soldier, and the strong girl went astray, from herself to satisfy the thirst for a revolution. The writer lost her pen, the artist lost her inspiration, the esteemed woman forgot her value, and the soldier left her armor at home and ventured out like a farmer without his / her cutlass. Aha, the Christian was a hypocrite yesterday, a real silly hypocrite, and the strong girl was like a wet leaf, – not that of a dasheen type, but one with no resistance to the fall of the rain, the strength of the wind, and the scorch of the sun. I lost my Balance Yesterday – like a raging lion my inner balance shattered, I was fuming with anger. Oh the devil had a good laugh at my expense I suspect.

Today is a new day, and I am happy to be alive, to reflect, to laugh at myself, to knock my head a bit, and to remind myself how weak I am sometimes. Then, I am happy to be alive to remind myself that I have a conscience, and to celebrate the fact that it is alive and well, that I have not lost it, and that I can still exercise some restraint. Today, I am happy to be able to try to be content with myself for not exploding further. I am glad I get to remind myself of what I wrote in my book, What’s on Your Mind? The Diary of an Esteemed Woman. Page 83 says: “As I seek to maintain my life’s balance, I reckon that this (balance) is no easy task, but something we must constantly work to achieve and maintain.” I can assure you that it is comforting to remember this fact. Indeed this is a perfect self reminder.

So, I say, better grace next time. Efforts to make better choices, stick to my inner plan, and go back to the basics of my life are on stream. These efforts I will employ with deeper resolve. I will remind myself to Pray, pray, pray. God help me! There is hope for me, because I am still alive.

God Always Comes Through!

Have you ever felt like you just can’t move on?
Have you found yourself in a state of stagnation, where you feel like a total failure?
Have you been at a place where you wonder if you will ever really be seen for who you are?
Have you felt stalled, like a big old truck stuck in a muddy road?

Well, I have felt like some of these many a time in my life.
Today, I just realize I need to remind myself, and by extension to remind you, that
God will come through for you.

He has chosen you, so He will carry you through.
Has he chosen you to go through the storm? Probably!
Probably He chose us to be tested like gold in a fiery furnace
for the purpose of our purification, for the better purposes and task
for which He has ordained us.

He always comes through, because He promised never to leave us nor to forsake us!
Remind yourself today, that God’s promises are versed through His words, the Holy Scripture.
In my book “Dairy of an Esteemed Woman” I share the power of the scriptures on my life.
I can only attest to this because I have seen God’s power pull me through, each time I remind
myself of His powerful words.
You have been chosen, that season will be over, and you will be profitable in Christ.
So, hang tightly to His mighty hands, God will always come through for you! WE won’t be a statistic with God.
You have been chosen to be more than that! God will always come through for you! BE blessed today!